This is from a dear friend. Makes SO much sense!!
Why is the us economy so f’ed up?
So, I hate HATE HATE HATE not to blame this all on bush and move on. But not even he could have done this in eight years. truth is... it all started nine years ago. in 1999. Congress (the branch of Government who is actually supposed to make laws) Repealed the Glass-Steagall Act which was enacted in 1933, this act established the FDIC and gave the federal government power to segregate banking. It regulated investment banks and consumer banks (making it illegal to be both at the same time). This was to protect the civilians of the United States, basically putting insurance on their bank accounts up to 500,000 to ensure the banks weren't going to screw up and cause another depression. In 1999, this act was repealed by a rare alliance from both democrats and republicans. It was replaced with the Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act, this act allowed one stop shopping at all local banks that wanted to offer it, insurance, investment, and commercial banking. The problem with this is that you have too much money and not enough regulation. They were taking commercial banking money and using it to back high risk mortgages(only come around when times are good in the economy) and for some reason, the Clinton administration had the viewpoint of "every american should own a home if they want to, even if they can't afford it quite yet." We as a nation were fiscally amazing, it was a big ole party in the white house...
Then, we went to war. A price tag that is going to make this $700 billion dollar bail out look like candy-store money. When the U.S. is at war so is our economy. The American Dollar went down, and the banks fell flat on there asses. Outsourcing of Jobs to other countries, tied in with huge natural disasters on American Soil have cause another depression (yes, we are sinking quickly). And all the government wants to do is throw $700 into the fire and see if it puts it out (what happens when you put paper on fire.. oh yea IT CATCHES FIRE!).
Here's a much simpler solution. I heard on NPR the other day this person talking about bail out plans and the establishment of regulations boards being a barn with no door, and men standing outside, waiting to catch the horses when they run out. Why not put a door back on the barn? I am begging each person that reads this, to email, snail mail, call, scream at and talk with their national representatives, and tell them that the Glass-Steagall Act needs, has to, MUST BE re-enacted if we are to save the american economy. The repeal of this act was a short term boost with a long term fall that no one can see the end of. Re-enacting the Glass-Steagall Act will at least put some sort of support under the falling crippled man our economy has become. It will cause huge mayhem in the fiscal world and of big business, but they aren't really looking out for us now anyway. They need to split these banks up so that they aren't using our money to provide loans to other people.
Bail out, and we'll have to deal with it again down the road.
Re-enact a law, and we'll be safer in the long run.
You decide. this is America's Decision, not Congresses. The people who use the power get the power. We each have power to change this country, but no one is using it, so the big corporations are using it for us. Capitalism is sinking faster than the titanic, and if it falls, there will be no survivors. thanks for listening to my rant, and if it makes sense to you, please PLEASE contact your National Congressmen and women. They can make this change, they just need the mandate behind it, or else nothing gets heard.
I really don't care if you copy and paste this blog into bulletins, emails, other blogs, on billboards, or anything else, just make sure to give me credit! And do something to make change for this country! that's how it was designed to work!!!! If you don't speak, you won't be heard.
Nathan R. Abbott
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
How and when
Please don't misrepresent this as being ungrateful or hateful. It's more of a vent than anything else.
Last year I had what I thought was a good audition for La Danse. In the first audition round I wasn't cast in anything, which disappointed me greatly. There were people who were cast who I felt were weaker technicians than I, much less performance experience, yet they were cast. I got over it. Luckily I was chosen for another piece in round 2, which was a blast!
I made sure to meet with my professors and ask for feedback on my audition. And I took those to heart.
Here we are a year later. I've worked hard, I've lost a little weight, though still injured I am able to work a little better through it since I know what triggers worse pain for me. I felt good for the past few weeks of the auditions (including last night). Results were posted today...out of 4 pieces and 2 auditions, I was chosen for 1.
Though VERY grateful for that, I'm still pretty damned disappointed in myself. So do I set my goals too high for myself? There are those few who amazingly were cast in all sorts of pieces. I'm trying to see what they do to get seen and have attention drawn to them, but I just don't see it,
and what I do see I don't like, so I refuse to go that road.
When does one become the performer they wish to be? HOW does one achieve that status? After years of hard work, I am still plagued with injuries. And though I'm working through them, they're still there. Hindering me. Was I not picked because of those injuries? Am I too heavy in their eyes? Do I really need to be where I'm at? Is this the path for me, when I can't seem to impress the local faculty?
These are very real questions that go through my head. Being a performing artist is hard. SOMEONE has to like what you do in order to get work. If you're a choreographer, and someone in the venue doesn't like your work (or in my case, school) then guess what..that piece is not seen. I am living proof of that from this past school year. My piece was viewed as too controversial, etc., so therefore it was not allowed to be shown. And a grade I need to graduate is dependant upon this piece and a rework of it.
If someone doesn't like the way I look that day, or perhaps they can't get past the weight issues (though i'm well past getting over it..as it's FINALLY starting to come off...slowly but surely), I don't get work.
So what is to be done? Continue the hard work and just accept things like they are? Continue the hard work and hope it's recognized? Fuck the hard work and just give up? Well the last isn't an option for me.
I've earned the grades in my classes to get this degree, so there has to be SOMETHING there that I'm contributing, but what exactly? If I'm not good enough to make these pieces, then why am I given A's in my dance classes?
I want to leave a legacy. I want to be needed. I want to have something that a choreographer needs and wants in their work, and I just don't feel I fit that bill, yet I don't know how to achieve it.
To make matters worse, the one piece I was selected for conflicts with my one teaching job. Do I accept the piece and forget about the teaching job, when it's much needed money and a commitment I've already made? Do I decline the role, continue the job, and hope I'm not chastized later on in the department because of it?
So how does one surpass feeling good about an audition, without being cast, and continuing on? I want a long career in this, and believe me I know I won't be picked for everything. But how do I become, at the very least, a contender?
All people, but especiall artists, go through these slumps and boy i'm in a big one. I just don't feel like my choreographic work is good, and I feel like my body is in a war with itself. I'm tired of hearing the excuses,"well melinda you're injured...that's why blah blah blah." Well let ME deal with my fucking injuries as I have to do on a daily basis. i know the day is coming to where hopefully my foot will be healed, but until then it's BEYOND Frustrating. I'm still performing and jumping and turning despite the pain, and doing my best to hide it. So continue to let ME deal with it. If I'm good at anything, it's learning how to deal with injuries in a profession that is dependent on my body.
I'm also not looking for any sympathy or pats on the back. I just want to be a good, successful artist. But not only good in my eyes, but good in the artistic communities eyes. I want to contribute to it. I want to make work that moves people. I want to perform and be considered a strong dancer with a strong foundation. How do I contribute and achieve these things, AND become successful? How do I climb the ladder when I feel like I'm giving it all that I have?
This rock and a hard place is giving me a severe headache. Any feedback is welcomed.
Last year I had what I thought was a good audition for La Danse. In the first audition round I wasn't cast in anything, which disappointed me greatly. There were people who were cast who I felt were weaker technicians than I, much less performance experience, yet they were cast. I got over it. Luckily I was chosen for another piece in round 2, which was a blast!
I made sure to meet with my professors and ask for feedback on my audition. And I took those to heart.
Here we are a year later. I've worked hard, I've lost a little weight, though still injured I am able to work a little better through it since I know what triggers worse pain for me. I felt good for the past few weeks of the auditions (including last night). Results were posted today...out of 4 pieces and 2 auditions, I was chosen for 1.
Though VERY grateful for that, I'm still pretty damned disappointed in myself. So do I set my goals too high for myself? There are those few who amazingly were cast in all sorts of pieces. I'm trying to see what they do to get seen and have attention drawn to them, but I just don't see it,
and what I do see I don't like, so I refuse to go that road.
When does one become the performer they wish to be? HOW does one achieve that status? After years of hard work, I am still plagued with injuries. And though I'm working through them, they're still there. Hindering me. Was I not picked because of those injuries? Am I too heavy in their eyes? Do I really need to be where I'm at? Is this the path for me, when I can't seem to impress the local faculty?
These are very real questions that go through my head. Being a performing artist is hard. SOMEONE has to like what you do in order to get work. If you're a choreographer, and someone in the venue doesn't like your work (or in my case, school) then guess what..that piece is not seen. I am living proof of that from this past school year. My piece was viewed as too controversial, etc., so therefore it was not allowed to be shown. And a grade I need to graduate is dependant upon this piece and a rework of it.
If someone doesn't like the way I look that day, or perhaps they can't get past the weight issues (though i'm well past getting over it..as it's FINALLY starting to come off...slowly but surely), I don't get work.
So what is to be done? Continue the hard work and just accept things like they are? Continue the hard work and hope it's recognized? Fuck the hard work and just give up? Well the last isn't an option for me.
I've earned the grades in my classes to get this degree, so there has to be SOMETHING there that I'm contributing, but what exactly? If I'm not good enough to make these pieces, then why am I given A's in my dance classes?
I want to leave a legacy. I want to be needed. I want to have something that a choreographer needs and wants in their work, and I just don't feel I fit that bill, yet I don't know how to achieve it.
To make matters worse, the one piece I was selected for conflicts with my one teaching job. Do I accept the piece and forget about the teaching job, when it's much needed money and a commitment I've already made? Do I decline the role, continue the job, and hope I'm not chastized later on in the department because of it?
So how does one surpass feeling good about an audition, without being cast, and continuing on? I want a long career in this, and believe me I know I won't be picked for everything. But how do I become, at the very least, a contender?
All people, but especiall artists, go through these slumps and boy i'm in a big one. I just don't feel like my choreographic work is good, and I feel like my body is in a war with itself. I'm tired of hearing the excuses,"well melinda you're injured...that's why blah blah blah." Well let ME deal with my fucking injuries as I have to do on a daily basis. i know the day is coming to where hopefully my foot will be healed, but until then it's BEYOND Frustrating. I'm still performing and jumping and turning despite the pain, and doing my best to hide it. So continue to let ME deal with it. If I'm good at anything, it's learning how to deal with injuries in a profession that is dependent on my body.
I'm also not looking for any sympathy or pats on the back. I just want to be a good, successful artist. But not only good in my eyes, but good in the artistic communities eyes. I want to contribute to it. I want to make work that moves people. I want to perform and be considered a strong dancer with a strong foundation. How do I contribute and achieve these things, AND become successful? How do I climb the ladder when I feel like I'm giving it all that I have?
This rock and a hard place is giving me a severe headache. Any feedback is welcomed.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
My turn...
So I happily stumbled upon (not really..I'm a subscriber) a blog that was obviously written about me. I won't use any names, as it seems fair to do that in this sort of situation, but being it was all brought up all over again, I will comment a little further.
Like i've said numerous times before, I appreciate you looking out for me.
But a) I don't understand why you even care?and b) do you even know this person?
I am fully capable of understanding and comprehending the impact something can have on the world wide web. I also understand that it's called the world wide web for a reason. I ALSO understand what the word publish means. I don't do anything with regret, hence me thinking about my actions and what can entail. I am only a year or so younger than yourself, not an uninformed 18 year old, as you seem to think I am.
If you were also referring to me as someone who thinks I pay for tuition therefore I think i "own" the people who teach me, then you're terribly wrong. I pay for an education for a reason. TO LEARN. To take responsibility for my work and EARN my grades. Hence why I had such a major issue with this other person. I didn't learn a damned thing. What he taught was wrong, offensive, things he didn't even know anything about. I was also given an unfair grade. I say that because people with the same situation as myself were given an A, yet I was given a much lower grade. And because of that, this year is even harder b/c all of us are pretty much having to start over. It was like going a year without that one class, though we should have made progress and a great amount of headway. After all, it IS What we study!
I pay to become the best student, and hopefully performer, and dancer that i can absolutely become because of the degree that I am earning.
But alas, this isn't really about that. I think what has me fired up the most is that you've put words in my mouth. You've said that I've called him a "fag" which in fact i NEVER did. You also said I'm running around gloating about getting him fired? REALLY?? The last I read, those words NEVER came from my keyboard nor my mouth!! I'm gay bashing. I'm gender identity discriminating. I said I would love to give him this as a gift. I understand how you can misconstrue that, but I really thought you knew me better. THIS is how rumors and gossip get started. FROM NOT KNOWING YOUR FACTS!
Everything I stated was truthful. Anyone who saw "La Danse" knows what his piece was about, and the fact that this dialogue,"A man walks into a ballet class and he's half queer, right?" came out of his mouth. I won't go into this any further as I'm tired of explaining myself about this.
By the time I apply to graduate schools, this blog will probably be lost somewhere in cyber space. Yes it will still exist, but I'm sure someone would have to do some serious digging to find anything they may consider "libelous, whining, bigoted". Will you be calling the schools I apply to and tell them what you think about me? Then perhaps I have a problem. If the school has HIM as an employee, or faculty member, then I have a MAJOR problem. Otherwise my work, and work ethic, which is far from whining, and myself as a person, which is far from being bigoted, will speak for itself.
Next time, with me, feel free to put my name in your blog. It won't offend me. Actually it makes me feel better because at least I know you were directing it to me, instead of coming across like you're speaking about a general population.
And believe it or not, I say this with a lot of love in my heart.
I've also looked at the publish button three times..just for you.
Peace.
Like i've said numerous times before, I appreciate you looking out for me.
But a) I don't understand why you even care?and b) do you even know this person?
I am fully capable of understanding and comprehending the impact something can have on the world wide web. I also understand that it's called the world wide web for a reason. I ALSO understand what the word publish means. I don't do anything with regret, hence me thinking about my actions and what can entail. I am only a year or so younger than yourself, not an uninformed 18 year old, as you seem to think I am.
If you were also referring to me as someone who thinks I pay for tuition therefore I think i "own" the people who teach me, then you're terribly wrong. I pay for an education for a reason. TO LEARN. To take responsibility for my work and EARN my grades. Hence why I had such a major issue with this other person. I didn't learn a damned thing. What he taught was wrong, offensive, things he didn't even know anything about. I was also given an unfair grade. I say that because people with the same situation as myself were given an A, yet I was given a much lower grade. And because of that, this year is even harder b/c all of us are pretty much having to start over. It was like going a year without that one class, though we should have made progress and a great amount of headway. After all, it IS What we study!
I pay to become the best student, and hopefully performer, and dancer that i can absolutely become because of the degree that I am earning.
But alas, this isn't really about that. I think what has me fired up the most is that you've put words in my mouth. You've said that I've called him a "fag" which in fact i NEVER did. You also said I'm running around gloating about getting him fired? REALLY?? The last I read, those words NEVER came from my keyboard nor my mouth!! I'm gay bashing. I'm gender identity discriminating. I said I would love to give him this as a gift. I understand how you can misconstrue that, but I really thought you knew me better. THIS is how rumors and gossip get started. FROM NOT KNOWING YOUR FACTS!
Everything I stated was truthful. Anyone who saw "La Danse" knows what his piece was about, and the fact that this dialogue,"A man walks into a ballet class and he's half queer, right?" came out of his mouth. I won't go into this any further as I'm tired of explaining myself about this.
By the time I apply to graduate schools, this blog will probably be lost somewhere in cyber space. Yes it will still exist, but I'm sure someone would have to do some serious digging to find anything they may consider "libelous, whining, bigoted". Will you be calling the schools I apply to and tell them what you think about me? Then perhaps I have a problem. If the school has HIM as an employee, or faculty member, then I have a MAJOR problem. Otherwise my work, and work ethic, which is far from whining, and myself as a person, which is far from being bigoted, will speak for itself.
Next time, with me, feel free to put my name in your blog. It won't offend me. Actually it makes me feel better because at least I know you were directing it to me, instead of coming across like you're speaking about a general population.
And believe it or not, I say this with a lot of love in my heart.
I've also looked at the publish button three times..just for you.
Peace.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I'm IN!
July 21, 2008
I received GREAT news today! This is how it went....
Text from Kristina (TfK): "Woooo...Independent program!"
Me: "Me???????" :o)
TfK: "Yep...Independent program!"
Me: "YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sooooo happy!!!!!!!"
*then jumps up and down* "OUCH!" *bounces knees instead!*
SO what does this mean you ask? It means I've been accepted to train at the Graham school. I can go at my own pace, for up to 2 years.
BUT my plan is this at the moment...I will finish up my last year of college at ULL, with my BFA. I will still apply to lots of places for my MFA, and will begin this program next summer ('09). As time progresses (this year) I will decide where grad school will take me, and if I'm lucky enough for NYU Tisch, then I'll be here in NYC. I want to work SUPER hard to get accepted into the Professional Training Program at the Graham School (with lots of work after one semester), and receive my certification, eventually doing the Teachers Training Program as well.
I'm really quite excited!!
Next step...fix this ankle
Prepare myself mentally and physically for the last year of undergrad, and to begin this new journey!
Mucho love, and more stories coming soon!
I received GREAT news today! This is how it went....
Text from Kristina (TfK): "Woooo...Independent program!"
Me: "Me???????" :o)
TfK: "Yep...Independent program!"
Me: "YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sooooo happy!!!!!!!"
*then jumps up and down* "OUCH!" *bounces knees instead!*
SO what does this mean you ask? It means I've been accepted to train at the Graham school. I can go at my own pace, for up to 2 years.
BUT my plan is this at the moment...I will finish up my last year of college at ULL, with my BFA. I will still apply to lots of places for my MFA, and will begin this program next summer ('09). As time progresses (this year) I will decide where grad school will take me, and if I'm lucky enough for NYU Tisch, then I'll be here in NYC. I want to work SUPER hard to get accepted into the Professional Training Program at the Graham School (with lots of work after one semester), and receive my certification, eventually doing the Teachers Training Program as well.
I'm really quite excited!!
Next step...fix this ankle
Prepare myself mentally and physically for the last year of undergrad, and to begin this new journey!
Mucho love, and more stories coming soon!
AAA - ankle answers, and Auditions
July 20, 2008
Sorry it's been a few days. Thursday was a great day!
I had my appointment with Dr. Rose at the Harkness Center. One doctor saw me first, but I can't remember his name. I explained the long story of what's going on, and he immediately began messing around with my foot and ankle, targeting the exact location of the pain. I have 90 degree flexion in my left foot as far as my toes go, but about 45 degrees in the right one. He began pressing on the FHL tendon, which sent me almost flying off the table. He also asked me to stand in 2nd position and plie, asking where the pain was. (the fact that he even KNEW what 2nd position was amazed me lol).
He discussed everything with Dr. Rose, who came in with the other doctor and THREE Other doctors. He asked me to stand in 1st position, demi plie (again I was baffled lol). It was crazy lol Dr. Rose did the same things and confirmed a diagnosis of FHL tendonitis and Os Trigonum syndrome. Here are a few more explanations of these two:
Definition: An os trigonum is a small, round bone that sits just behind the ankle joint. The os trigonum is present in about 5-15% of normal feet. An os trigonum occurs when one area of bone does not fuse with the rest of the talus (ankle bone) during growth.
Normally, having an os trigonum is of no consequence. In some people, however, this small bone can get caught in the ankle, and even prevent normal motion. This is most commonly seen in ballet dancers who assume pointe and demipointe positions. These positions maximally plantarflex the ankle (point the toes down), and can cause the os trigonum to become pinched in the space behind the ankle.
Other causes of posterior ankle impingement include tendonitis, fracture, and ligament injuries.
Trigger Toe/FHL Tenosynovitis
Trigger toe occurs most commonly in female classical ballet dancers. It results when the flexor hallucis longus (FHL) tendon on the inside of the ankle moves irregularly through its anatomical pulley mechanism around the ankle. Sometimes, the tendon actually locks distal to the tendon canal (near the big toe) and prohibits a dancer from using the strength in her big toe when en pointe. CausesTrigger toe can be the result of inflammation or a partial rupture of the FHL tendon, accompanied by swelling along the sheath in which it's contained. The tendon may become frayed and scarred down, adhering to the sheath and creating friction, inhibiting its smooth gliding motion. The condition may present as non-painful and annoying for a period of time before becoming painful. Pain is typically noticed as a dancer lowers from demi-pointe to flat. TreatmentEarly identification of trigger toe can assist in its recovery. Dancers should use ice, particularly ice massage as a way to decrease local inflammation. An athletic trainer or physical therapist consult is helpful to assist with soft tissue management of scarring or adhesions along the tendon. The dancer should take the time to perform slow, gentle stretching of the great toe prior to dancing. More significant cases may require surgery to release the ligamentous portion of the FHL sheath and repair the tendon.
Posterior Impingement SyndromePosterior impingement syndrome (dancer's heel)"I have pain with pointing my foot and relevé."Causes Posterior impingement syndrome, commonly known as dancer's heel, involves compression of soft tissues at the back of the ankle. A bony-formation or bump behind the ankle causes this compression. The dancer generally feels discomfort at the back of the ankle when the toe is pointed or in relevé. TreatmentDancers should use ice and anti-inflammatory medications to help reduce soft tissue swelling. Stretching of the tissues in the back of the heel (calf and Achilles) is important to reduce the stress placed on those structures. A physician and physical therapy/athletic training consults are indicated to identify joint mobility restrictions or other imbalances that might be contributing to the condition. Some health-care professionals may recommend steroid injections to assist with local inflammation. Finally, if non-surgical treatment does not help alleviate the discomfort, surgical intervention will be required to remove the bump that is compressing the soft tissue
I began to cry. I told them that I had been having this checked out for a year and a half now, to no avail, other than to be told to "deal with it". They told me that unless an orthopedist is really trained to detect these issues, and mainly for dancers, then it's hard to find and often misdiagnosed. I was misdiagnosed, with posterior tibial tendonitis, which is common with FHL tendonitis.
The next course of action is for me to get my xrays and mri's up here for Dr. Rose to look at himself. He doesn't want to charge me to do new ones as he's sure the current ones will show him what he needs to see. He said he wants to see if the Os Trigonum is for sure causing a lot of my pain, though he feels positive. He also wants to see the inflammation on the MRI, and to just see it all himself.
He definitely recommended surgery to release the tendon causing most of my pain, and he said if the Os Trigonum is a problem he can through the same incision to remove or shave the bone. He said there's a 98% success rate with the operation, and I would be out for 3 months (no longer), but back to "competition level" dancing immediately after that time.
So as of this week I will be trying to get those films sent up here, with a follow up on august 31st. Problem is I don't have 3 months to heal right now, and with insurance issues I might have to wait until the fall semester lets out. That would give me all of Christmas break to begin rehabilitation, and I'll be done with my dance classes for the spring. I definitely wanted to take some, but worst case is I participate in the classes without receiving credit as soon as I'm healed up.
SUCH A RELIEF to FINALLY receive some answers! They were sympathetic and so caring and kind to me. It's a great thing to have a clinic that caters to dancers.
Auditions for the Little Mermaid were AMAZING! A ton of FUN, very easy, and laid back as could be. There were 60 total non-equity dancers. I was number 5. We performed twice back to back, and at the end of the first group of 26 that I was with, they kept only 4. And I was completely happy not being one of those 4. I had such a great time, and met a few friendly dancers too!
Saturday was my audition for the Graham school. 50 people were there, including current program dancers auditioning for scholarships. I was mainly going for the Independent program as that's something I could do after graduation. They should have their selections posted on Tuesday.
Virginie singled me out with 3 other girls, right before we moved to across the floor, and said she had seen what she needed to with us. That the level was going to be seriously advanced next. They were beginning to let people go, though it didn't mean we weren't being selected for any programs. It just meant they had seen enough. I was a little perturbed, as she did something similar to me last year. I was talking ot Justin about it (whom was in town this weekend visiting me), and he said he thought I did great, that I looked just as good as everyone else, but he thinks my weight is the issue. And I think the same. I love this technique and I am good with it. Of course there's room for improvement but that's with anything and why I auditioned to be in the school. It's frustrating for me b/c I see myself as the skinny Melinda, while my body no longer reflects that. I'm very serious about getting back into shape safely, so I will be meeting with a nutritionalist when I get back to LA to try to get into tip top shape, as I am FED UP with this hindering my career thus far. Regardless I am proud of my work, and proud of my audition. I thought I hung in there nicely, and worked through the pain.
I'm very tired, as the heat is AWFUL here this weekend! The room we're renting has NO relief from the heat, as we have NO A/C. It really is miserable. I'm praying for a cold front LOL! It's draining, and the only relief that can be found is in a public place at this point.
I'll write more about my weekend with my husband *giggles*!
Love you guys! Thanks for all of your sweet words, especially those of encouragement and support!!
Sorry it's been a few days. Thursday was a great day!
I had my appointment with Dr. Rose at the Harkness Center. One doctor saw me first, but I can't remember his name. I explained the long story of what's going on, and he immediately began messing around with my foot and ankle, targeting the exact location of the pain. I have 90 degree flexion in my left foot as far as my toes go, but about 45 degrees in the right one. He began pressing on the FHL tendon, which sent me almost flying off the table. He also asked me to stand in 2nd position and plie, asking where the pain was. (the fact that he even KNEW what 2nd position was amazed me lol).
He discussed everything with Dr. Rose, who came in with the other doctor and THREE Other doctors. He asked me to stand in 1st position, demi plie (again I was baffled lol). It was crazy lol Dr. Rose did the same things and confirmed a diagnosis of FHL tendonitis and Os Trigonum syndrome. Here are a few more explanations of these two:
Definition: An os trigonum is a small, round bone that sits just behind the ankle joint. The os trigonum is present in about 5-15% of normal feet. An os trigonum occurs when one area of bone does not fuse with the rest of the talus (ankle bone) during growth.
Normally, having an os trigonum is of no consequence. In some people, however, this small bone can get caught in the ankle, and even prevent normal motion. This is most commonly seen in ballet dancers who assume pointe and demipointe positions. These positions maximally plantarflex the ankle (point the toes down), and can cause the os trigonum to become pinched in the space behind the ankle.
Other causes of posterior ankle impingement include tendonitis, fracture, and ligament injuries.
Trigger Toe/FHL Tenosynovitis
Trigger toe occurs most commonly in female classical ballet dancers. It results when the flexor hallucis longus (FHL) tendon on the inside of the ankle moves irregularly through its anatomical pulley mechanism around the ankle. Sometimes, the tendon actually locks distal to the tendon canal (near the big toe) and prohibits a dancer from using the strength in her big toe when en pointe. CausesTrigger toe can be the result of inflammation or a partial rupture of the FHL tendon, accompanied by swelling along the sheath in which it's contained. The tendon may become frayed and scarred down, adhering to the sheath and creating friction, inhibiting its smooth gliding motion. The condition may present as non-painful and annoying for a period of time before becoming painful. Pain is typically noticed as a dancer lowers from demi-pointe to flat. TreatmentEarly identification of trigger toe can assist in its recovery. Dancers should use ice, particularly ice massage as a way to decrease local inflammation. An athletic trainer or physical therapist consult is helpful to assist with soft tissue management of scarring or adhesions along the tendon. The dancer should take the time to perform slow, gentle stretching of the great toe prior to dancing. More significant cases may require surgery to release the ligamentous portion of the FHL sheath and repair the tendon.
Posterior Impingement SyndromePosterior impingement syndrome (dancer's heel)"I have pain with pointing my foot and relevé."Causes Posterior impingement syndrome, commonly known as dancer's heel, involves compression of soft tissues at the back of the ankle. A bony-formation or bump behind the ankle causes this compression. The dancer generally feels discomfort at the back of the ankle when the toe is pointed or in relevé. TreatmentDancers should use ice and anti-inflammatory medications to help reduce soft tissue swelling. Stretching of the tissues in the back of the heel (calf and Achilles) is important to reduce the stress placed on those structures. A physician and physical therapy/athletic training consults are indicated to identify joint mobility restrictions or other imbalances that might be contributing to the condition. Some health-care professionals may recommend steroid injections to assist with local inflammation. Finally, if non-surgical treatment does not help alleviate the discomfort, surgical intervention will be required to remove the bump that is compressing the soft tissue
I began to cry. I told them that I had been having this checked out for a year and a half now, to no avail, other than to be told to "deal with it". They told me that unless an orthopedist is really trained to detect these issues, and mainly for dancers, then it's hard to find and often misdiagnosed. I was misdiagnosed, with posterior tibial tendonitis, which is common with FHL tendonitis.
The next course of action is for me to get my xrays and mri's up here for Dr. Rose to look at himself. He doesn't want to charge me to do new ones as he's sure the current ones will show him what he needs to see. He said he wants to see if the Os Trigonum is for sure causing a lot of my pain, though he feels positive. He also wants to see the inflammation on the MRI, and to just see it all himself.
He definitely recommended surgery to release the tendon causing most of my pain, and he said if the Os Trigonum is a problem he can through the same incision to remove or shave the bone. He said there's a 98% success rate with the operation, and I would be out for 3 months (no longer), but back to "competition level" dancing immediately after that time.
So as of this week I will be trying to get those films sent up here, with a follow up on august 31st. Problem is I don't have 3 months to heal right now, and with insurance issues I might have to wait until the fall semester lets out. That would give me all of Christmas break to begin rehabilitation, and I'll be done with my dance classes for the spring. I definitely wanted to take some, but worst case is I participate in the classes without receiving credit as soon as I'm healed up.
SUCH A RELIEF to FINALLY receive some answers! They were sympathetic and so caring and kind to me. It's a great thing to have a clinic that caters to dancers.
Auditions for the Little Mermaid were AMAZING! A ton of FUN, very easy, and laid back as could be. There were 60 total non-equity dancers. I was number 5. We performed twice back to back, and at the end of the first group of 26 that I was with, they kept only 4. And I was completely happy not being one of those 4. I had such a great time, and met a few friendly dancers too!
Saturday was my audition for the Graham school. 50 people were there, including current program dancers auditioning for scholarships. I was mainly going for the Independent program as that's something I could do after graduation. They should have their selections posted on Tuesday.
Virginie singled me out with 3 other girls, right before we moved to across the floor, and said she had seen what she needed to with us. That the level was going to be seriously advanced next. They were beginning to let people go, though it didn't mean we weren't being selected for any programs. It just meant they had seen enough. I was a little perturbed, as she did something similar to me last year. I was talking ot Justin about it (whom was in town this weekend visiting me), and he said he thought I did great, that I looked just as good as everyone else, but he thinks my weight is the issue. And I think the same. I love this technique and I am good with it. Of course there's room for improvement but that's with anything and why I auditioned to be in the school. It's frustrating for me b/c I see myself as the skinny Melinda, while my body no longer reflects that. I'm very serious about getting back into shape safely, so I will be meeting with a nutritionalist when I get back to LA to try to get into tip top shape, as I am FED UP with this hindering my career thus far. Regardless I am proud of my work, and proud of my audition. I thought I hung in there nicely, and worked through the pain.
I'm very tired, as the heat is AWFUL here this weekend! The room we're renting has NO relief from the heat, as we have NO A/C. It really is miserable. I'm praying for a cold front LOL! It's draining, and the only relief that can be found is in a public place at this point.
I'll write more about my weekend with my husband *giggles*!
Love you guys! Thanks for all of your sweet words, especially those of encouragement and support!!
Touching base...
July 18, 2008
Hey guys!
So my Justin is here visiting me, so I don't want to spend a lot of time online but did want to update you guys!
I FINALLY have answers from the doctors at Harkness about my ankle. Looks like surgery might be my only option but there's a 98% success rate with it and a 3 month or less recovery time. I'll give you more details in another email.
I did audition for the "Little Mermaid"! It was AMAZING! Soooooooooo much fun, sooooooo relaxing! I didn't make the cut (they took 4 out of the first 26 they saw), but it was a blast! We danced to "Under the Sea". My first broadway audition! I look to do more while I'm here! I felt really good about the audition, and will continue to do so!
I have another audition tomorrow to get into the Graham school. Wish me luck!!
I'll write more details soon, especially about the ankle!!
All of my love!
Hey guys!
So my Justin is here visiting me, so I don't want to spend a lot of time online but did want to update you guys!
I FINALLY have answers from the doctors at Harkness about my ankle. Looks like surgery might be my only option but there's a 98% success rate with it and a 3 month or less recovery time. I'll give you more details in another email.
I did audition for the "Little Mermaid"! It was AMAZING! Soooooooooo much fun, sooooooo relaxing! I didn't make the cut (they took 4 out of the first 26 they saw), but it was a blast! We danced to "Under the Sea". My first broadway audition! I look to do more while I'm here! I felt really good about the audition, and will continue to do so!
I have another audition tomorrow to get into the Graham school. Wish me luck!!
I'll write more details soon, especially about the ankle!!
All of my love!
Auditions
July 16, 2008
I've gotta keep this short as i have to get in bed ASAP,
BUT
Tomorrow is my appt. with Harkness Center and Dr. Rose.
I'm also going to an Equity audition for the Little Mermaid on Broadway. There's no guarantee that I will be seen, but it's a great opportunity to just gain auditioning experience. What do I have to lose, right?! They're looking for ensemble dancers, from fish to mermaids, to people on land :o) Maybe I'll even get to be sea kelp ;o)
Then on Saturday I'm auditioning for acceptance into the Graham school. Again, no expectations, but mainly experience. If I were to get in, then I have a plan to complete the program and go to graduate school.
I'll let you know how it goes!
I've gotta keep this short as i have to get in bed ASAP,
BUT
Tomorrow is my appt. with Harkness Center and Dr. Rose.
I'm also going to an Equity audition for the Little Mermaid on Broadway. There's no guarantee that I will be seen, but it's a great opportunity to just gain auditioning experience. What do I have to lose, right?! They're looking for ensemble dancers, from fish to mermaids, to people on land :o) Maybe I'll even get to be sea kelp ;o)
Then on Saturday I'm auditioning for acceptance into the Graham school. Again, no expectations, but mainly experience. If I were to get in, then I have a plan to complete the program and go to graduate school.
I'll let you know how it goes!
Catching up on old blogs that I forgot to post here...
Soooo I LOVE this site for blogging, but yet have forgotten to post my blogs. I know, silly.
So here they are...I'll put the original date in the body :o)
July 14, 2008
NYC *IS* my second home
I really forgot how much i LOVE this city. Everything about it. The smell of car exhaust on a really hot day. The smell of sewage. The trash on the streets. The busy, noisy sidewalks. The sound of the announcements on the subway. I love everything about this city.
We arrived safely last Wednesday night, very late. Our adventures thus far have consisted of going to Passport Fridays at the Queens Museum of Art, where we saw a live West Africa dance exhibition with live drumming. The dancing was beyond amazing. I had chills the ENTIRE time! They also gave us a short class, where we learned one of the dances. Very easy, LOTS of fun!!
We saw the waterfalls at the Brooklyn Bridge by an artist named Olafur Eliasson. I felt like we walked the entire eastside of Manhattan (though we didn't lol), but it was a ton of fun! Quite an adventure! On our way we found a cute, small street fair. I'd love to go back to get a few things. The waterfalls were interesting. I want to do another harbor cruise to get a better view. Pier 36!
We went out on Saturday night in Astoria. Had a great dinner, went to a few bars, came home. Sunday consisted of us hitting the 15 blocks of Astoria's street fair. GREAT prices, TONS of fun! We ate a Zagat ranked Thai place, that had amazing food! It was a good day.
Today was the first day of classes for Kristina and I. As you know the ankle is giving me serious hell, which tells me that I MUST find some sort of treatment soon. I had Erika Dankmeyer *gasps* today, and it was WONDERFUL!! She gave me a nice correction in "turns around the back", which felt really great! I realized I had more mobility in my hips that I originally thought. I was in a lot of pain towards the end of the class, but my mentality is to just work through this as well as I can. I called the Harkness Center this afternoon, which caters to dance injuries. I had to leave a message but I'm pushing to be seen by them. There's a good chance I could get some physical therapy in the 4 weeks I'm here to perhaps aid the rehabilitaion, even if it's for a short amount of time.
Kristina's classes went really well too. I know by the end of our stay here her mind will be full of understanding of more of the technique. After all this is her first in-depth exposure to it. Repertory seemed like a lot of fun for her. I was hesitant to do it, and decided not to after the pain I've had with the ankle, and am glad. The piece they're doing has a lot of jumps at the beginning. Big no no for right now lol
I'm auditioning for the Professional Training Program on Saturday. I don't expect anything out of it, except to gain some auditioning experience. There's a meeting on Friday for it. *IF* i were to get accepted into the school, my plan is to start in the summer of '09. I'll have to see where I am as far as graduate school is, but that's a bridge I'll cross when I get there :o) I plan to attend a few other auditions around the city for the same reason. We'll see what happens!
I'm exhausted. I miss everyone terribly. But, like last year, it's another great experience!
Until the next time....all my love :o)
So here they are...I'll put the original date in the body :o)
July 14, 2008
NYC *IS* my second home
I really forgot how much i LOVE this city. Everything about it. The smell of car exhaust on a really hot day. The smell of sewage. The trash on the streets. The busy, noisy sidewalks. The sound of the announcements on the subway. I love everything about this city.
We arrived safely last Wednesday night, very late. Our adventures thus far have consisted of going to Passport Fridays at the Queens Museum of Art, where we saw a live West Africa dance exhibition with live drumming. The dancing was beyond amazing. I had chills the ENTIRE time! They also gave us a short class, where we learned one of the dances. Very easy, LOTS of fun!!
We saw the waterfalls at the Brooklyn Bridge by an artist named Olafur Eliasson. I felt like we walked the entire eastside of Manhattan (though we didn't lol), but it was a ton of fun! Quite an adventure! On our way we found a cute, small street fair. I'd love to go back to get a few things. The waterfalls were interesting. I want to do another harbor cruise to get a better view. Pier 36!
We went out on Saturday night in Astoria. Had a great dinner, went to a few bars, came home. Sunday consisted of us hitting the 15 blocks of Astoria's street fair. GREAT prices, TONS of fun! We ate a Zagat ranked Thai place, that had amazing food! It was a good day.
Today was the first day of classes for Kristina and I. As you know the ankle is giving me serious hell, which tells me that I MUST find some sort of treatment soon. I had Erika Dankmeyer *gasps* today, and it was WONDERFUL!! She gave me a nice correction in "turns around the back", which felt really great! I realized I had more mobility in my hips that I originally thought. I was in a lot of pain towards the end of the class, but my mentality is to just work through this as well as I can. I called the Harkness Center this afternoon, which caters to dance injuries. I had to leave a message but I'm pushing to be seen by them. There's a good chance I could get some physical therapy in the 4 weeks I'm here to perhaps aid the rehabilitaion, even if it's for a short amount of time.
Kristina's classes went really well too. I know by the end of our stay here her mind will be full of understanding of more of the technique. After all this is her first in-depth exposure to it. Repertory seemed like a lot of fun for her. I was hesitant to do it, and decided not to after the pain I've had with the ankle, and am glad. The piece they're doing has a lot of jumps at the beginning. Big no no for right now lol
I'm auditioning for the Professional Training Program on Saturday. I don't expect anything out of it, except to gain some auditioning experience. There's a meeting on Friday for it. *IF* i were to get accepted into the school, my plan is to start in the summer of '09. I'll have to see where I am as far as graduate school is, but that's a bridge I'll cross when I get there :o) I plan to attend a few other auditions around the city for the same reason. We'll see what happens!
I'm exhausted. I miss everyone terribly. But, like last year, it's another great experience!
Until the next time....all my love :o)
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Je suis officiellement la dame de chat !
After a few years of Justin's klondike dieing (his dog at his mom's house), his cat Trip getting killed (by accident - also at his mom's), and his turtle Kurdt, going to turtle heaven, an orange cat shows up at his mom's house. She's adorable, sweet, obviously has been abandoned, and looks IDENTICAL to Trip, but with both ears. She needed a good home, and Justin was willing to bring her in.
I can never resist a fur baby, so we took her in, and named "orange cat", Halo. (I honestly ran out of coffee names lol) So Halo was suspected to be pregnant. Shortly after her arrival to our home, I took her to the vet to receive her shots and get wormed, and confirmed she was indeed pregnant. This was around Easter.
Life continues, and so does her pregnancy. We tried numerous times to introduce her to our current house of felines (4, not including her), and sometimes it worked while other times it didn't.
Thursday a.m. Halo wakes me up around 340 a.m. meowing at the top of her lungs. (side note - we kept her in our extra bathroom just in case she were to go into labor when we weren't around or asleep). I figured she was just hungry, but this continued for 30 more minutes. I finally got up to check on her. Seems she just wanted a lot of LOVING! I was not happy, but gave in, and later went back to bed. To keep her from waking me up again, Justin moved her and her litter box and food into the spare room and into the large kennel.
I left for school , and in a text told my best friend in new york that i thought she was going to have her babies any moment, especially with her behavior that morning. Puddin' Pop, mama to frappe' and latte', acted just the same a few hours before she went into labor.
So sure enough I arrive home that afternoon to find 4 little babies....in the LITTER BOX! Halo is a mess, the babies are a mess!! I moved her and them back into the bathroom and cleaned them up the best that i could with what time i had! I was soooo thrilled to FINALLY have those babies, and to know all of them would be ok. (Please remember that Puddin' pop gave birth to a stillborn, and then had to have an emergency c-section [i kid you not!!] to deliver frappe' and latte').
I get home later in the evening and Halo and babies are fine. We decide to move her and the babies into the spare room and let her hide them and do her motherly kitty duties as they do. She is NOT happy about the other 4 adult cats on the other side of the door and has bolted out and manage to pick a few fights, but otherwise it's great!
I awake this morning and go check on those sweet little babies. And suddenly I see FIVE squirming fur balls. Wait, no, there were only 4 yesterday. *goes to check pics* Yes, only four. *counts again* 1...2....3.....4......FIVE!!!! What in the world?!?!?!?!?!?
*memory balloon* Her belly was still slightly swollen last night, and I asked Justin," Do you think there could still be a kitten in there?" Justin says,"No, I'm sure it's just her swollen or maybe it's milk or something." He would know better than I, as he's seen lots of pregnancies with cats.
Ah HA! That's what that swollen spot in her belly was.
So we now have 3 orange kittens, one being a runt, and 2 black kittens with some beautiful markings.
We move this coming Wednesday to our new home in Lafayette. And i've come to the realization, that at the age of 26, and after counting the TEN cats that are now in my home, I can honestly and completely say....
"I am officially the cat lady"
I can never resist a fur baby, so we took her in, and named "orange cat", Halo. (I honestly ran out of coffee names lol) So Halo was suspected to be pregnant. Shortly after her arrival to our home, I took her to the vet to receive her shots and get wormed, and confirmed she was indeed pregnant. This was around Easter.
Life continues, and so does her pregnancy. We tried numerous times to introduce her to our current house of felines (4, not including her), and sometimes it worked while other times it didn't.
Thursday a.m. Halo wakes me up around 340 a.m. meowing at the top of her lungs. (side note - we kept her in our extra bathroom just in case she were to go into labor when we weren't around or asleep). I figured she was just hungry, but this continued for 30 more minutes. I finally got up to check on her. Seems she just wanted a lot of LOVING! I was not happy, but gave in, and later went back to bed. To keep her from waking me up again, Justin moved her and her litter box and food into the spare room and into the large kennel.
I left for school , and in a text told my best friend in new york that i thought she was going to have her babies any moment, especially with her behavior that morning. Puddin' Pop, mama to frappe' and latte', acted just the same a few hours before she went into labor.
So sure enough I arrive home that afternoon to find 4 little babies....in the LITTER BOX! Halo is a mess, the babies are a mess!! I moved her and them back into the bathroom and cleaned them up the best that i could with what time i had! I was soooo thrilled to FINALLY have those babies, and to know all of them would be ok. (Please remember that Puddin' pop gave birth to a stillborn, and then had to have an emergency c-section [i kid you not!!] to deliver frappe' and latte').
I get home later in the evening and Halo and babies are fine. We decide to move her and the babies into the spare room and let her hide them and do her motherly kitty duties as they do. She is NOT happy about the other 4 adult cats on the other side of the door and has bolted out and manage to pick a few fights, but otherwise it's great!
I awake this morning and go check on those sweet little babies. And suddenly I see FIVE squirming fur balls. Wait, no, there were only 4 yesterday. *goes to check pics* Yes, only four. *counts again* 1...2....3.....4......FIVE!!!! What in the world?!?!?!?!?!?
*memory balloon* Her belly was still slightly swollen last night, and I asked Justin," Do you think there could still be a kitten in there?" Justin says,"No, I'm sure it's just her swollen or maybe it's milk or something." He would know better than I, as he's seen lots of pregnancies with cats.
Ah HA! That's what that swollen spot in her belly was.
So we now have 3 orange kittens, one being a runt, and 2 black kittens with some beautiful markings.
We move this coming Wednesday to our new home in Lafayette. And i've come to the realization, that at the age of 26, and after counting the TEN cats that are now in my home, I can honestly and completely say....
"I am officially the cat lady"
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
That's all folks....
Just wanted to recap..
I'll be glad when dance revues are over. I'm done with'em.
Clarice gave me reaffirmed hope and inspiration for a career in dance!
It amazes me that certain classes at UL fill up so damned fast. Is that normal at other universities??
13 days of school left.I CAN'T WAIT!!
8 days until we move into our NEW HOME!
66 days until our wedding ( :oO )
and I think i found a kick ass job!! WOOOOT!!!!
Nighty night all ♥
I'll be glad when dance revues are over. I'm done with'em.
Clarice gave me reaffirmed hope and inspiration for a career in dance!
It amazes me that certain classes at UL fill up so damned fast. Is that normal at other universities??
13 days of school left.I CAN'T WAIT!!
8 days until we move into our NEW HOME!
66 days until our wedding ( :oO )
and I think i found a kick ass job!! WOOOOT!!!!
Nighty night all ♥
Friday, April 18, 2008
It's about time...
So JpB posted a blog on this site, and I was like "What the heck! I've been wanting to start something like this.." so here we go!
I don't have much to say at the moment.
I'm a dancer. About to earn my Bachelor of Fine Arts with an emphasis in dance.
I'm madly in love with my fiance, Justin. He's an angel. My best friend. We will become husband and wife on June 28th, 2008.
I am a friend to many. Friends mean the world to me, and I've come to realize that no matter how far one goes, your friends will always be there, cheering you on.
I'll write more soon.
;o)
I don't have much to say at the moment.
I'm a dancer. About to earn my Bachelor of Fine Arts with an emphasis in dance.
I'm madly in love with my fiance, Justin. He's an angel. My best friend. We will become husband and wife on June 28th, 2008.
I am a friend to many. Friends mean the world to me, and I've come to realize that no matter how far one goes, your friends will always be there, cheering you on.
I'll write more soon.
;o)
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